I have been so tired the past few weeks. I feel like something within me is consciously draining me, making me have to lie down and be still with my thoughts... in a way I feel like something is trying to get born in me right now and it can only happen in stillness, not in the frenzy of my doing doing doing.

Which means I have had very little time for doing.

The other day I sat down at the piano to sing for 2 minutes. It's all I seem to have right now, stolen moments. Before 2 minutes was up, Iryn let me know that Ella had crawled up onto the counter and dumped lemon juice into the half-made cookie batter that was sitting there awaiting an egg. The lemon juice reacted with the baking soda, which Ella seemed to find quite interesting.

Yesterday I played piano while Ella watered my plants with a spraybottle. She also sprayed the entire window behind the plants but it kept her busy for awhile.

The new album is progressing... Ella sings along to rough tracks in the car: "If I had my way/These walls would be blue/and not this lonely color/Of me without you..."

It's a rough mix, so there is one part where you hear me cough into the microphone, and Ella, singing along, manages to do the cough too.

I cleaned up pee in 2 different places yesterday.

Then, in the evening I went to a party. A good friend threw herself a fancy birthday party at a winery and we had an 8-course dinner with wine pairings. People kept asking me: So what have you been up to? And honestly, sometimes I don't know what to say. All I could think of right then was about how, just before I left, Ella had peed on the kitchen table. It's not exactly impressive. I feel the pressure to make myself sound like I'm being useful or ambitious. Shouldn't I talk about my new record, or the writing I've been doing or SOMETHING? But alas, I couldn't get past the pee.