This morning was a rush out the door, running late and a million things forgotten. Me trying to do my makeup in the car at the stoplights. To borrow a phrase from Oprah, what I know for sure is: when you're trying to do your makeup in the car, the lights will never stay red. I have actually thought of applying this principle when I really need to get somwhere in a hurry... just bring some mascara along to guarantee a steady stream of green lights.

It's approximately 100 degrees below zero. The wind hits you in the face like a thousand tiny little pins.

Last week it was the gardening books. This week I can't keep myself out of the plant section of the hardware store... Yesterday Ella and I took a long stroll through the greenhouse section at Rona. Ella pushed her mini grocery cart around, in and out, through the tropical plants and I bought some discount windchimes, which I hung in my kitchen window. I'm scouring 2nd hand stores for old plant containers... Yesterday I bought some tulip bulbs so I can force indoors. By mid-February I should have summer-white tulips blooming on my bookshelf.

At night I close my eyes and see images of spring; sun-warmed soil, rivers of just-melted snow winding through the sidewalks, leaves opening. Is it just me, or is it more than a change in weather that I am intuiting?

The on-line skin cream I ordered finally came. It is strange and gooey and makes my face fell stiff.

New songs posted on myspace here.

Somehow it has gotten to be the middle of December and I've hardly noticed.
Before Christmas, I decided to take some time off. I had not noticed how hectic my year had been until I slowed down and let myself feel the tiredness. I regret that I did not give into this sooner. But the cold and the days and days of snow allowed me to stop. I didn't write, I didn't play music, I didn't pick up the phone. I just sat by the fire and looked into the flames.
I took lots of naps on the couch by the fire. It snapped and crackled and before falling asleep I would look out our big picture window and watch the snowflakes drift down. I learned that the big weeping willow across the street starts to shine orange with light around 3 pm, and the mix of light and shadow makes the bark look like leopard skin. I watched the shadows of ducks and crows dart across the snow. Then I would fall asleep and wake up and watch the snow again.

Stopping was so good that I just stayed stopped for awhile. I burned some dreams in the fire. I read some really good books. I let myself feel for new direction. I ignored the voices that chided me about needing to get something done.

Now it is mid-January and I am ready to begin some new things, ready to set out in some new and old directions. But I'm having trouble getting going. Usually, I dislike being on the computer for any length of time, but I find myself clicking on links such as: Chris Martin named "sexiest vegetarian" or celebrities without makeup.
The other day I was looking up submission guidelines for a magazine and kept following random links until I found myself ordering a free skin cream sample from some obscure beauty website.

It's procrastination. And it's feeling a little "winterish". Now that Christmas is over, it seems like winter stretches on forever. The skies have been grey for days and days. There are frozen slush puddles everywhere. If only I could find a way to stay in bed until mid-February when the sun comes out.

Today the house smells of burnt stove because I keep forgetting that when you put a pot on an element you're actually supposed to put something IN it.

We're just recovering from infections and back-to-back colds around here, and we've been overdosing on Disney movies.

Finally feeling a little better yesterday afternoon, I took myself out, alone, to a bookstore and found myself standing in the gardening section, perusing pages and pages of bright pink peonies, pale white roses, green trees so blindingly green it almost hurt my eyes. I stayed there until the light outside the window turned to dark and was late for dinner.